Ten things – except TOFU

Nothing prepared me for retirement; the drop from 100 MPH to virtually ZERO was a shock to a lifestyle that wasn’t used to no one calling, or some problem to solve. It felt like slamming on the brakes and flying headfirst into the windshield. There was shock, pain (emotional) and confusion.

The Google found a lot of info about “stages” of retirement but it felt like a bunch of the self-help articles that have been avoided by me – intentionally. How much of that can a person really stomach…I know my tolerance for that equals tolerance for stupid at my age…there is none.

So I started washing a lot of dishes, organized tackle, cleaned kayaks/trucks/closets…watched Netflix, HBO, Apple TV. The yard looks better than it ever has, I am solving some issues with patches of grass gone missing and we now have mulch and flowers on the back of the house.

Today I am sitting in Atlanta at a Trane event. Still retired, I assure you, but Joy also works there and had to come here for a couple of days. Since I am now a kept man (still learning those rules!!), I came with her and am sitting in an overpriced hotel thinking about the last few months. This free time with no chores to do, no fishing to do (cause it is raining) and nothing to work on – feeling pretty weird being around a bunch of people I worked with over the years and not being part of solutions – has led me to a list. Like it or not…sharing is to follow.

Ten things I have learned since being retired.

When you watch too many Korean and Japanese shows on Netflix, it is easy to become curious about the food. It is even easier to Google the shit out of all of it and need to run to the store for ingredients. I have made egg rolls (even some southwest and cheeseburger eggrolls), Omurice – rice omelet, Oyakodan, some sticky honey chicken, crab Rangoon…those were my favorites… and many more; even tried Tofu (never again!!).

There is no way, ZERO, NADA to cook rice noodles without finding them all over the house. I opened the package and for two days I would find what I thought were hairs on the counter, the floor…the dog. When opened, they just go all over!

I do not like putting on shoes any longer. Not just because it is too hard for my old ass to reach down and tie them, but because I just don’t want to at all…nor is it required. If it wasn’t for the weed eater and signs that refuse to let me in, I wouldn’t even wear flip flops again when it is above freezing.

Not stress eating, not eating out and not sitting close to a snack machine at work has made me much healthier and I have lost 45 lbs. I was carrying a 5 gallon jug of water downstairs and thought “this is the extra weight I was carrying”. Wish I had learned this sooner. It is easier to put on shoes – when I am forced to do so. But not gonna lie, I am about ready to shank a bitch for a Klondike bar and pecan pie!

I miss the check. I made too much money for the work I was doing: but not missing it enough to do anything yet. I do look at jobs available; but since I would want to work part time, no weekends and basically when I want; doing what I want for the same money I was making…nothing seems to fit.

I do not miss corporate America. Watching people this week…well, since they are still paying me through Joy…I will stop there. It is also wearing me out telling everyone I worked with that I am ok…but I want to fake a heart attack, or passing out, so bad…just to see how they really feel.

I was (am) more of a social creature than I thought. I am probably not that old guy that talks to people about nothing if they make eye contact, but I have caught myself almost being him. I miss the friends (work family) I would see daily. But, now the people at Food Lion almost know me by name because I keep buying new ingredients almost daily…maybe I could stock shelves for groceries…hmmm…

I still love to go to the library, and the way a real book feels in your hands.

Wal-Mart is a lot less crowded midmorning.

Tofu sucks. Fried, baked, raw…the only purpose I have found for it is as filler in the trash can. I know that came up earlier, but was important enough to bring up again.

Anyway…in spite of the initial shock, I highly recommend the relief that comes from leaving the stress of a job that no longer fulfills you; and making a change. While I am not sure I will stay retired, I am certain that I will not return to a role that leaves me that unhappy…well, unless that is the only choice to avoid Tofu.

Peace.