….sorry….

I told someone today that it is going to be a long year. He replied that it was going to be 365 days long. While he was technically wrong, it is a leap year so we get an extra day, it hit me that his statement was accurate.

This year will be no longer than the last.

I listened as the conversation continued, but I was lost in the thought that this year would actually be just like the one before, and before it, and before….

I found myself wishing that he was wrong. I wanted it to be longer; no matter what it brings.

I want our kids to enjoy more time on this earth, I want dishrag age slowly, not as fast as I know it will feel to me…I want more time with my Joy…I want more time in the sun or the rain…just more time to breathe in the world around us.

I want days to last weeks, and weeks to last months….for one calendar year on my aging body, I want 12 years of time with family and friends.

My God, I spent so many years wishing away time – and I wake to find that that wish has been granted…I couldn’t wait to grow up, to be an adult…now I want to sit playing with dishrag, looking at pictures in books of trains and ducks and shoes with wonder…..I want to have my mother carry me to bed, my dad to pick me up….I want to learn the taste of foods for the first time, try juice, pull off my socks and refuse shoes….

My whining that this year would be long because of the shitty and unrealistic amount of work that lay ahead of me had me wishing more time away without saying it out loud. Please do not grant me what I was asking inside! Please do not make this year be over!

I have too many things to do that will compensate for the bad, too many memories that I do not have….I may not be able to know the feel of grass for the first time, or the sting of a mosquito; but I can take dishrag to the beach as I did my daughter…seeing his expressions as the waves first touch his sockless feet….I can go places I have never been, see things that I have only heard or read about…

I am sorry that I complained about the time that lay in front of me…….I welcome it.

 

 

~ by mrcsworld on January 4, 2016.

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